Last week, we addressed the biblical goal in parenting. Our goal should be to raise children who fear the Lord so that they become wise. A key to developing wise children who fear the Lord is intention. Far too many parents raise their children with a reactionary philosophy rather than an intentional one. They have no goal, and so they have no plan. As a result, they simply end up reacting to everything that happens in their children’s lives. No wonder the children see their parents as hypocritical. No plan, only reaction, leads to emotional and inconsistent decisions.

We must intentionally disciple our children towards what we want them to learn. The reality is that someone is discipling your children. Either you are doing it intentionally towards God, or the world is discipling them towards futility. This is why God commanded the parents in Israel to intentionally instruct their children in His Word (Deuteronomy 6:1-2). If we want wise children, we must intentionally ground them in God’s Word, or the world will ground them in foolishness.

Another way that we describe the fear of the Lord is through the word “Christlike.” So it is correct to say that the goal of Christian discipleship (and therefore the goal of parenting) is Christlikeness. What does Christlikeness look like, and how do we get there? Galatians 5:16-24 reveals that this looks like the fruit of the Spirit. Ephesians 4:20-24 reveals that this is accomplished by putting off the old man, being renewed in our minds, and putting on the new man in the image of Christ.

Biblical parenting begins by teaching our children to put off the old man. This means that we must teach them the Gospel regularly. They cannot put off the old man while enslaved to him. A Christian parent’s prayer should be that their children understand and accept the Gospel. We cannot assume that they know it. We cannot assume that they believe it.

The Gospel is the good news of Christ. But the good news must begin with bad news. Christian parents must understand and accept that their child is born in sin and headed towards God’s wrath. They are not basically good. They are sinful. While rules and discipline can modify sinful behavior, they cannot change it. Only the Gospel corrects the problem. So good Christian parents must teach their children that they are sinful.

However, the Gospel is the good news that Christ took the punishment for their sin on the cross. They must give their lives to God, and He will give them Christ’s righteousness so that they go from being depraved to being righteous (Romans 10:9; 2 Corinthians 5:21). Going to church does not correct their sin problem. Only the Gospel can do it.

Let me finish this section with a caution. Children who grow up in church can be pressured to pray a “salvation prayer” so they fit in or to please their parents. We should guard against this. Ensure they understand the Gospel before affirming their acceptance of it. I did this by making them share the Gospel with me. You may have a better way to guard against this with your children. Whatever method you take, ensure they understand the Gospel.

We cannot raise children to fear the Lord if they don’t know the Lord. The first step, then, must be to present the Gospel to them regularly so that they accept it. Yet, the job does not stop when they accept the Gospel. We must continue to present the Gospel to them as we disciple them. Mark 8:34 reveals that to be Jesus’ disciple, we must deny ourselves, take up our cross daily, and follow Him. This means that as we disciple our children after salvation, we are reminding them that they also must take up the cross daily and die to self.

The Gospel means that we give our lives to Christ and follow Him because He died for us. So, in our regular conversations throughout our children’s lives, we must remind them of the gospel. We don’t act like the world because Christ died for us. We don’t speak like the world because Christ died for us. We live in a way that is very distinct from the world because Christ died for us. In short, we put off the old man (we say no to sin and wrong) because Christ died for us.

We have been blessed in our church with a number of children. We have been particularly blessed in the past two years with the number of new babies. Being a parent is one of God’s greatest blessings. I will never forget holding my son for the first time 19 years ago and feeling the combination of absolute love and terror. Now, as I near the end of my children being at home full-time and look across the large number of children in our congregation, I feel it is important to address what the Bible says about being a good parent. Over the next few weeks, we will examine the instructions the Bible gives to us as parents. My goal with this series is to help you understand what God expects of you so that your children will flourish in their walk with God.

We must understand our goal in parenting. If we do not know what we are aiming at, we have very little chance of success. Further, the challenge is heightened by particular circumstances in our world today. The prevalence and ease of communication with everyone brings our children into contact with harmful elements from which we would otherwise be able to protect them. The overwhelming volume of information causes confusion in our children that would not have happened in previous generations. And the entertainment specifically designed to capture our children’s attention and cause dependence presents a challenge. All of these challenges are compounded by the fact that the parents of our children’s friends don’t seem to care about them.

What is your goal with your children? Is it that they gain knowledge so that they will have a good job when they become adults? Is it that they gain notoriety and fame with their gifts and abilities? Is it that all their dreams will come true? Is it that they will stay out of trouble and become “responsible” adults? Is it to see your children survive to adulthood with minimal trouble (It would be even better if they chose to stick close to us as adults)? Maybe you have not given the goal any thought, and you are simply trying to survive. Yet, if any of these are your goals, then you have failed as parents. I would propose a new goal to you. Biblically, if we want to raise wise children, our goal is for them to learn to fear God.

Over two decades of ministry, I have found that the hardest event to get people to attend is the prayer gathering (prayer services or pre-service prayer meetings). I have no doubt that this aligns with the struggles most Christians face in their personal prayer lives. Over the next few weeks, I would like to examine the myriad of reasons that we struggle to pray and conclude with the encouraging reasons why God loves to answer prayer.

Speaking with Christians, we sometimes struggle to pray because we do not value prayer. Because we can feel as though we are speaking into the ether, we don’t see the importance of prayer. It feels like we aren’t doing something. We feel it is much better to take action and attempt to deal with life and its difficulties on our own. We fail to recognize the power that we tap into when we pray. The God of the universe delights in responding to our prayers. When I attempt to deal with life and its problems on my own, I quickly discover that I can control very little. Prayer connects us with the One who controls all.

Sometimes we don’t pray because we know that we are struggling with sin. We feel as though God will not listen to us because of our struggle. This is both a correct and an incorrect sentiment. If we willingly continue in sin, love it, and give ourselves to it, Psalm 66:18 informs us that God will not listen to our prayers. 1 Peter 3:12 informs husbands that their prayers will be hindered if they do not love and treat their wives as God calls them to do. If you willingly live in sin, you will not pray. And if you do pray, God will not listen. However, if you are battling sin, fighting to overcome it, God longs to hear your prayers. 1 John 1:9 reminds us that it is right for God to forgive us. You will never be qualified in and of yourself to pray. If you wait until you have completely overcome sin to pray, you will never pray. Instead, recognize Christ’s forgiveness and come to God in prayer.

Have you ever started praying but did not know what to say? Perhaps this is one of the reasons that we do not pray as often as we should. We do not know how to pray. Thankfully, Jesus instructed us with a pattern to follow. As we look at this pattern, we should note that it is a pattern, not magic words. Jesus tells us to pray in this way, not pray these words. Although praying the very words is not a bad idea at all.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gives us a pattern for prayer. This pattern is contained for us in Matthew 6:9-13 – 9 Pray then like this: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. 10 Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread, 12 and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” This prayer provides us with a good pattern to follow.

First, Jesus opens the prayer with praise to God. The phrase “hallowed be your name” carries the idea of God’s holiness and supremacy. It is a good practice to begin our prayer by declaring the attributes of God that mean much to us at that time. We can rehearse God’s sovereignty, majesty, goodness, love, mercy, justice, righteousness, and so much more. When we do this, it reminds us of several things. First, it reminds us that God is to be honored. He is not some other human that we are talking to. Second, it reminds us that God is in control and cares for us. This allows us to be open with Him in prayer.

Second, Jesus reminds Himself of His eternal purpose. He prays that God’s Kingdom would come. This statement reminds us that our lives are about much more than the present. Often, when we come in prayer, we are consumed with the problems and challenges of the present. When we pray that God’s Kingdom would come, we are reminded that we serve an Eternal Kingdom. This world is just a blip on the radar.

Third, Jesus aligns Himself with God’s will. Sadly, our prayers are often consumed with our wants and desires. We measure God’s answer by how it aligns with what we think He should do. We insist that our thoughts are the best thoughts and our ways are the best ways. But we must align ourselves with God’s will. So, as we pray, we should say something to the effect of, “God, help me to know your will in this situation and to follow it.”

Fourth, Jesus turns to requests for needs. Only after His vision has been aligned with God does he turn to the present needs. Yet, it is right to ask for our present needs. We should rely on God for our daily needs. 1 Peter 5:7 encourages us to throw our anxieties on God because He cares for us. Don’t be ashamed to cry to God for your needs.

Fifth, Jesus recognizes that we will need forgiveness. We are to ask God to forgive our sins. However, there is a caveat. We must also forgive those who sin against us. If we hold grudges and harbor a spirit of bitterness, we cannot expect God to forgive our sins. We receive and give forgiveness.

Finally, we ask God to help us stay out of sin. With this, we are reminded that God will not put us into a place of temptation from which we cannot escape (1 Corinthians 10:13). We don’t have to sin. Ask God to help lead us away from temptation and to keep us from evil. Have you prayed about that sin you are struggling with?

When you pray, there is a pattern you can and should follow: Praise God for who He is, align yourself with your eternal purpose, seek and submit to God’s will, make your requests, seek forgiveness, and request deliverance. With this pattern, you will discover that prayer becomes much easier. Let us be a people of prayer.

Prayer is most likely an area of struggle in all our lives. We know we should, but we struggle. Yet instead of guilting ourselves into prayer, I believe we would have greater success if we recognized what prayer is. Prayer is a conversation with our Father. Luke 11 contains an interesting interaction between Jesus and His disciples regarding prayer. As this conversation ensues, Jesus reveals that the secret to prayer is understanding that it is a conversation with our Father.

The chapter opens with Jesus praying. Apparently, His prayer was powerful, and the disciples took note. As a result, they asked Jesus to teach them to pray. He begins by telling them to pray a shortened edition of the prayer He taught the crowds in the Sermon on the Mount. In this, He reminds the disciples that they are praying to a sovereign God. Only when we surrender to His sovereignty can we begin to pray. Many of us stop at this point and feel overwhelmed. Perhaps this is why we cease to pray.

However, Jesus did not stop His lesson. He tells the story of a friend who won’t stop asking for help. In that time period, homes were typically one-room. At night, the furniture was cleared to a corner, and the family lay out their beds in front of the fire for warmth. At this point in Jesus’ story, a knock sounds at the door. The family hears their friend’s voice asking for bread. Annoyed, the father replies that the friend should return in the morning. Everyone is in bed, and the food is put away. Yet, the friend persists. In the end, because he is a friend, the door is opened, the furniture is moved, and the bread is obtained. The moral of the story is not yet shown. For we are not simply friends of God.

Jesus tells his disciples to seek God, knock at the door, and ask for their requests. But not because you are friends. Instead, because you are children. Jesus asks, “What Father will give his child a serpent when he asks for a fish, or a scorpion when he asks for an egg?” Of course, the father will give the child whatever they need. When we recognize this, we get the moral of the story. If a father will give the annoying friend bread, how much more will he give his children the things that they desire?

We are God’s children. It is not an imposition for us to come to Him. It is God’s delight that His children interact with Him in prayer. He loves to meet our needs and our requests. We often struggle in prayer because we view God incorrectly. When we see Him as our loving Father, we will run to Him, and He will delight in responding to us. Your Father wants to talk to you. So go to Him in prayer and find grace and joy!

How can we grow and gain wisdom in life? How can we understand how the message preached on Sunday should impact our lives Monday through Saturday? The answer is the Holy Spirit. God granted us a great and precious gift when He indwelt us with His Spirit. In 1 Corinthians 2, Paul reveals that the Holy Spirit enables us to understand God’s wisdom in a way an unbeliever cannot. Take a moment and read 1 Corinthians 2:6-16.

In verses 6-12, Paul tells us that wisdom is discovered through the Holy Spirit. The mature in these verses refers to believers who have placed their faith in Christ. They get this wisdom that even rulers cannot comprehend. If they did, they would never have crucified Jesus. Believers gain this secret, hidden wisdom of God. This wisdom is the ability to view the world as God views it. To see all that is happening around us and in our lives through the lens of God’s eternal plan. True wisdom recognized that God’s plan was decreed in times past and would take place.

This wisdom cannot be gained through any human means. The spirit of this world cannot reveal to us the truth of God. We cannot come to God’s wisdom through experience or intuition. Instead, this wisdom comes from the Holy Spirit, who reveals to us God’s truth in God’s Word. These things have been revealed to us by the Spirit’s inspiration in the Bible and opened to us through His illumination in our hearts.

This illumination takes place through God’s Word. This is why we (like Paul) teach with the Word of God, not our own words (v. 13). Because God designed true wisdom for life to be gleaned from His Word by His Spirit. So every situation, every decision, every desire should be filtered through the truth of God’s Word. The tool that God’s Spirit uses to grow you and give you wisdom is God’s Word.

The Sunday sermon is vital, then, for it is in that proclamation that we see God’s wisdom laid before us. Therefore, you must take that sacred time seriously. Throughout the week, you should ask the Holy Spirit to help you understand and rightly apply the message presented. You should spend time on Sunday (even while you are listening to the sermon) to ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate God’s Work in your heart.

But understand that this idea is contrary to those who don’t have the Holy Spirit. They hear God’s Word and find it foolish. This is also a good test of life for ourselves. If we don’t love God’s Word and find it foolish, we should question if we are of the faith. If we do love God’s Word, don’t be surprised when unbelievers don’t accept the wisdom you find there. They don’t have the Holy Spirit, so they can’t.

In summary, you need to rely on the Holy Spirit to understand God’s wisdom in His Word. Spend time during the week preparing your heart in prayer to receive God’s Word on Sunday. Spend time on Sunday asking God to help you understand. When you begin this habit, you will discover that the Holy Spirit reveals to you things you never understood before.

“Sometimes you just don’t listen.” These words come from my wife’s mouth and, unfortunately, are often true. Sometimes we just don’t listen. Even when we want to listen and perhaps think we are, we are not listening well. I have found this is because I don’t think rightly about listening. Many view listening as passive. Others talk, I do nothing. This results in non-listening. Because listening is an active engagement. Good listening involves awareness of the thoughts and thought processes in our minds. When we are listening well, we are hearing, thinking about, and evaluating what we are hearing. There are several impacts this should have on how we listen to the Sunday sermon.

First, it means that we should listen to the Sunday sermon with awareness. We should discipline our minds to remain engaged with what we are hearing. It is easy to become distracted and stop listening. Noises, activity, and our own imagination can distract us from listening. Yet, when we find our minds wandering, we must bring ourselves back to listening.

There are tactics I have found that help me. One tactic is to ask questions about what is being said. “What is he saying?” “Where else would I find that in the Bible?” “Where do I see the things he is talking about in my life?” There is almost no end to the questions that you could ask. And I have found that asking questions keeps me engaged.

Another tactic is to take notes to stimulate my mind. When I hear something, I sometimes remember it. When I hear and see something, I am more likely to remember it. When I write it down, I hear it, I write it down, and I see it. This helps me remember. It also helps me organize my thoughts. If there is something I am not sure I agree with, I will make a note so that I can go back and study it out throughout the week. If something is well stated, I write it down so I can use it later. Writing it down also helps me trace the line of thought so I can follow the argument. Writing while listening engages my mind and helps me listen.

Understanding good listening also means listening to the Sunday sermon with emotion. When I listen to God’s Word, the Holy Spirit uses it to go to work on my life. This means that sometimes I respond to the message negatively. I don’t like what is being said. Perhaps I don’t think I agree with what is being said. And it makes me a little angry. When this happens, it is important that I pause and ask why I am responding with the negative emotion. Usually, it is because the Holy Spirit is using God’s Word to convict me of the change I need in my life. Other times, I hear God’s Word and respond with excitement. This excitement should not be repressed but is a form of worship. When someone in the congregation gives a sincere “Amen!” it’s like throwing a bone to a pit bull. Further, it can help those around me re-engage. Finally, it reminds me of the goodness and glory of God.

There is a whole world of study called Listening Theory. In this study, they call these things self-talk. When we listen, we should be aware of the thought process at work and self-talk our way through it. This engages our minds and leads us to a place of decision. At the end of every sermon, we should arrive at a place where we accept what has been preached and make necessary applications, or we reject what has been preached and can give sound, biblical reasons why. What should not happen (and I think happens often) is that we arrive at the end of the messages with no thought for or against what has been said. We simply feel we have fulfilled our duty and move on with life. When we listen to sermons, we must listen intentionally, asking questions, so that we can apply God’s Word to our lives and show all our great God.

As we concluded last year, we examined several biblical passages to remind ourselves of the importance of applying the sermon we hear on Sunday. We don’t need to spend long in church before we discover that, at times, it can be a struggle. While we want to hear from God and change our lives, there are times when we leave on Sunday without that seeming to happen. I believe this is a two-way struggle we must understand to ensure it does not recur.

First, this is a struggle for and/or because of the preacher. As a pastor, my desire is that the messages on Sunday impact your lives Monday through Saturday. As I (and I know this is true for Christian) prepare the message, I am reflecting on what I know of each of you and how this text might impact your life. I seek to make some applications as I preach. However, there is an inherent challenge. We have a diverse church body. The practical applications of each text are also diverse. How a text might practically work out in the life of an older widow is not the same as how it practically works out in the life of a middle school boy. The way it practically works out in the lives of a couple who have been married for 30 years is not the same as the way the text might practically work out in the life of the young ladies longing to be married. It is impossible for me, as a preacher, to make all the applications I would like to the church body. That is, unless we extend the morning service to 3:00 pm, which I don’t think anyone really wants.

There is also the reality that I am not always the best preacher. There are times when I should improve the message. Vocal inflection ceases to exist, and my voice puts you to sleep. The message is not structured in a pattern that is easy to follow. After almost 400 Sunday-morning messages at Cambria, I am sure we can all think of a few duds. As much as I want every message to be the best message ever, I am not Charles Spurgeon, John the Baptist, or the Apostle Paul. Thankfully, all who trust Christ have the Holy Spirit within them, who illuminates God’s Word to them so that He overcomes my shortcomings.

Second, the struggle arises from the listener. While you want to hear God each Sunday, there are things that can hinder this. Sometimes, you are tired, and the struggle is to stay awake, much less listen. Sometimes, people around you are talking over the message, which is a distraction. Sometimes, you may struggle to follow the flow of the message or to understand the concepts presented. And sometimes, the mind wanders to other things, like lunch or the challenge you are facing at work or in your family. We have all been in the pew at one time or another, feeling that we are not getting anything from the message.